new fabric!

http://s228.photobucket.com/albums/ee15/sprinkledwithgranola/

41 fabric options, come check out whats new and ready to go out the door!

Daddy Babywearer of the future!

Jacob is always wanting to carry Sarah around so i had an idea!!! of course he isn't allowed to go far from mom.

I hate cars

God i would be so much better off if i didn't have to worry about fixing my car! so i need new brakes in the suburban, that makes me mad, especially since i told James there was a funny sound and he ignored me, guess i should have taken it in myself....now on to the car needs a new fuel injector runs like shit and everyday it gets worse i know with my luck I'm going to brake down on the side of the road one day and be screwed.. oh yeah what makes that better is that my battery on my cell is always dying soooo i get a car charger guess what the liter in the car doesn't work!

yep and if it cant get any worse while i am bitching about it to James he tells me the Jeep is leaking transmission fluid AND oil but he cant figure out where from great huh....

just add that all on top of the crazy day Ive had.... yep off to the mall to try and gain some sanity and think about crap.

you know what sucks

god you know when you have to do something that you dont want to do and you know that someone is going to be hurt, yeah it sucks just thinking about it makes me sick because i really care about this person and it hurts me just to do it. i'm not doing this again it NEVER turns out good... i cant believe people ask me for relationship advice

so i'll be lonely tonight doing me normal pm thing.

wow

So today my friend and business partner lost her husband in Iraq. Her mom just called me and I dont know what to say to her, i love her like family and her husband was a great great man who truely sacraficed everything for his family. this was his 3rd time in Iraq. he was due home around christmas, just before his sons 1st birthday.

Makes me re think a few things, off to make some calls.

open mouth insert foot

Do you even have one of those moments where you say something and you sorta wish you didnt yeah i have lots! i posted something to my friends myspace, really meant it but maybe it was something i should have kept to myself along with many other things tonight, like jeff foxworthy says ; here's your sign.....

do I feel an awkard moment comming......

need sleep

I begged James to please come take care of the kids today before i kill them! I NEED SLEEP. And they are bouncing off the walls almost literally. Jake keeps jumping on the sofa y'all know how much i hate that, Marian isn't listening and poor Sarah is trying to get some sleep., they must know I am tired and want sleep so they are going crazy.. i need to go to the yarn shop later and get help finishing my diaper soaker I stoped by yesterday but didn't have it with me. I got more yarn to start yet another project, but I'm not getting much done lately. (wink) but on a happier note ...Grey's anatomy is on tonight!

seriously in bed tonight by 10 (maybe I'll get there by 12)

lets see what am i doing today... cut some more fabric to take to my moms, vacuum, dishes, i still need to get groceries, laundry, and all this while chasing after a 2yo feeding a 3mo every 2 hours and Jacob's school work... do you all see what my problem is? TO MUCH CRAP!

off to put Marian for a nap!

(ps. I spell checked)

Jacob's 1st day of school

yeah! grade K here comes jake, watch out! his teacher seams very nice. at first this morning he did not want to go... no please i want homeschool today he beged me, he walked in the door so timid it was cute.. but he needed to go as much as i needed a break I told myself i was going to come home and clean and get other stuff done while the girls were naping, nope I took a nap did my hair that took about 30 minutes so im getting faster at straighening it, and i had no idea it was so darn long!! thenput on some makeup, after i went and found it..apparently the kids decide it would be fun to play with it last night while i was gone AHH! ah to feel normal... havnt seen me today thats okay tell me how stress free i look anyways!

well almost time to get jake so i should go get marian up from her nap, she hasnt slept this long all summer!

then what? hmm make dinner for the kids and off to barnes and noble for me by the time i get there it will probably be like 6ish and tehn maybe just maybe i will be home early enough to go to bed early!

thoughts of the past

As the holidays get closer i realize just how much i miss from my past. My Grandmother and Uncle have been in my thoughts alot lately. I wonder how things would be if they were still around, my grandmother would have been such a wonderfull great g-ma, and the thoughts of wondering and hoping that they are both togther in heaven but so unsure it leaves me mixed up on my thoughts of suicide, i use to think that regardless you go to hell if you kill yourself but now i hope with all my might that you get another chance. and wanting anwsers i have still never gotten WHY WHY WHY. and knowing that no one really knows how i feel and the one person i can talk to about anything is so far away. why it is bringing up so many feelings for me lately i dont know, it has been almost 6 years since his passing and 13 for my grandmother I'm just glad that I still see there faces and remeber all the good that they both did. The are is still so much she had to teach me, but im glad that i got what i did and i know i poses so many of her traits and her beautiful hair and eyes! and i hope some of her southern hospitality. I really wish i remembered my grandfather better and hope tht my kids get enough time with there aunts and uncles and grandparents to remember them when they go.

and then of course my frineds, my nearest and dearest friend live in another state, and although we are still close and i know i can share everything with her i of course wish we lived closer to each other so we could share in each others lives every day. I dont think i will ever have another friend like her! I would go to the end of the earth for her, and who says your one great love has to be a man? why cant it be your best friend? (thats her in the pic with me).

so much for in bed by midnight!

I swore to myself in bed my midnight... yeah right who was i kidding. i set up my new laptop, put laundry in for jacob, cleaned the kitchen, took the dog(s) out then cleaned up dog poo, marian got up and wanted love time with mama and a drink, checked my mail that " just one more time" and now this! I'm listening to my new CD which love and thinking about someone. I had a good day but a great night! have you ever met someone who you just cant stop lookin at? really want to kiss but have to control yourself and hate it and before the night is over want just one more touch, well next time i dont know that i am going to control myself! I do know that tonight i am going to bed happy, and i havent done that in awhile!

some of you know about a part of my past that i dont share but for some reason i felt the need to get it out and see if the interest was still there, I hope it is.

on another note my new laptop is awsome!! it will take some getting use to but i'll get it all figured out soon enough.

alrighy heading of to bed

Ive come to realize
1. I've come to realize that, my ex:Is an asshole
2. I've come to realize that, I talk:just to hear myself!
3. I've come to realize that, I love:chocolate
4. I've come to realize that, I have:to much stuff on my plate
5. I've come to realize that, I've lost:touch with too many friends
6. I've come to realize that, I hate it when:it rains
(dont know where 7 went)
8. I've come to realize that, Marriage:sometimes sucks
9. I've come to realize that, Somewhere, someone is thinking:what am i going to eat
10. I've come to realize that, I'll never be:able to do everything
11. I've come to realize that, I have a crush on:Hmmm no one i guess
12. I've come to realize that, The last time I cried was:last night
13. I've come to realize that, My cell phone is:up to m y ear way to much
14. I've come to realize that, When I wake up in the morning:i want to go back to sleep
15. I've come to realize that, Before I go to sleep at night:i check my email just "one more time"
16. I've come to realize that, Right now I am thinking about:how tired i am
17. I've come to realize that, Babies are:lots of work!
18. I've come to realize that, I get on myspace:to much
19. I've come to realize that, Today :ive got a lot o do
20. I've come to realize that, Tonight I will:get nothing done! or mayeb havea date.. who knows
21. I've come to realize that, Tomorrow I will:Take jacob to his first day of public school ( yuk)22. I've come to realize that, I really want to:go back to bed

Thoughts and feelings

So ive decide this week that i do way to many things, today james and i talked about what it is i am going to be giving up to make life a little easier for me for awhile. it will most likely be my moms group. I have met some wonderfull Ladies and had some great times but with so many other great groups out there and most of my members also members of these i just dont see the need anymore, I will keep my forum and probably transfer the group to a yahoo group where its free...
I never would have thought that having another baby would be so much work but boy is it and boy am i tired! these late nights till after midnight then up at 6 are starting to really take its toll and my family is paying the price and i dont want to be the mom who is always out the door as soon as dad gets home or who is constantly going and cant stay home i mean for heavens sake kids need to be home and need to have there down time and taking them out when they are to tired is only setting them up for failure, yes they need to be out but in moderation! I want to be the best mom that i can be and part of doing that is knowing my limits.. AND boy do i long for the days of feeling beautiful and put together and the days when my Sig other told me or looked at me like there was no other woman in the world more beautiful to him, Im not perfect i know that but come on Ive had 5 kids!
and to top it all off my own father hates me.. Im not my brother who at 22 cant keep a job or my sister who at 34 is a drug addict and probably wont live much longer (although im surprised she made It to 30) but a 31 yo mom who went from a 17to high school drop out to have a baby to a navy wife raising 2 kids, to a single mom and someone who has been places most never emotionally recover from and could not fathom going to a mom of 5 kids who after 3 went to college and while pregnant continued and graduated! my biggest accomplishment yet and he never once said he was proud, I will never forget how he acted as if was a burden to show up at my grad ceremony. and then the last straw sunday he actually called me a looser.. LOOK IN THE FUCKIN MIRROR ASSHOLE (ah that felt good) no one will truly ever understand where ive been and what it took to pull myself up from that black hole and how much it takes not to go back there again.. and if the day could get any worse... need some major work on the suburban breaks and something else and cant drive it till its fixed and i bought a much needed new notebook today and its not working so i have to go try and excahange it for one that does work tomorrow. anyways enough from me for one day.