My latest trip to tahuya on nov 8th

Photobucket Album

My latest trip to tahuya on nov 8th

Photobucket Album

more 4x pix from oct.

Just a new pic of me.

Taken today.

Today was a good day

I got to say something I have been wanting to say and got the answer I wanted to hear, im glad because I don’t know what I would have said or done had it been different than it was.
If you read this regularly you know that in January I was baptized. I believe that The Lord God is the only God that he gave his son Jesus so that we may one day live an eternal life with him. But I have been having a hard time with some things for a very long time. , I have wondered why god lets us suffer so much, why does he allow your life’s greatest love to be killed, why does he take peoples children to live with him to soon, why does he give a young mom with 2 babies cancer, why does he take our Fathers, Aunts, uncles and grandparents when we still have so much to learn from them. Why does he want us to suffer? Well I have the answer for that. he lets us suffer so that we will come to him, believe in his awesome power and know that he is the almighty, so we know that he loves us and will never leave us.
The past month I have been praying for strength to go forward and strength to forgive and strength to love. I thought he hadn’t heard me, that he wasn’t listening or that he didn’t care, all of this is untrue. He cares more than anyone. And he always will. I am here to tell you he does listen and he does answer our prayers. For the past 11 years I have been praying for the same thing, and this week he finally answered me. I have come to understand that he will answer you when you are ready, not just in your head but in your heart. If you pray for strength to do something you may have to wait but do not be fearful that he has forgotten you, he hasn’t. You just are not ready yet.
So I will continue to pray for strength to go forward and strength to forgive and strength to love.
I will surround myself with people who are also surrounded by God’s great love; I will be patient with God. I will love and respect myself and I will love and respect God.
He does answer and he does care.

I found a piece of paper I wrote some verses on in May of 2000, for me 2000 was a time of pain and desperation. A time I was not sure I would get through, but god was there for me, holding me up. He knew that times would get worse that in 2001 I would loose the love of my life to tragedy, that the road ahead would be painful and hard, but through patience and faith I would get through.
This is one of those verses that I want to share with you.

Luke 21:2; In your Patients ye shall win your souls.

the girls

in case you are wondering who i spend so much time with knitting.. these are the girls at my yarn shop. Back row left to right; Peggy, Rhea, Carrie Front row; Debbie & Marcy and amanda behind the camera!

4x pics

Some of you wanted to see pictures of the last time we went out (may), so here you go! I think there is probably some mud somewhere inside i know it was everywhere, we should have take a piture before washing it!! going again this month on the 11th so i am sure there will be some good ones especially with the rain we have been finally getting.
enjoy.


was stuck in this you will see the pics below.




Knee deep in mud soup!

caught some air!

reflection

Ive been doing alot of thinking lately about my life, the ways things have gone or not gone.

There are some things i have done that of course i regret some things that i know i have missed out of, poeple i wish i would have gotten to know better and relationship wounds it would have been nice to heal but its to late. the biggest one for me is the relationship with my father, we have never gotten along. in fact he has called me a looser and a disapointment. if you have read any of my prevoius blogs on blogspot you know how i feel about that so i wont go over it again.

a couple of months ago i made a comment about my dad getting cancer, how one day he would die from it and the family would be better off. of course i didnt mean it, but now that he actually has cancer and has been considering not getting treatment for it, i am mourning the loss of the relationship we should have had.

then there is my kids, matthew and samantha most because i know they are missing out on alot of things, and i wish they would allow me to do more for them. with my dads health i am sure that will soon be changing. and then there are my friendships most of the people who call themselves my friends ar not truely my friends, i would never call them up to complain about my life because thats not what they want to hear from me. yes i have girlfriends but i dont let them in, i keep it to knitting, playgroups and other things that dont get to personal but you can still laugh with them and have a good time. then finally we get to past relationships. i know i have not always mae the right choices and I have those people who will always have a place in my heart, who i could never hate, even though there was a time i was hurt or mad, those people gave me something wonderfull.

Through all of this I have been looking to God for direction, strength, and support. He has proven Himself faithful again and again. Here are some verses that have really encouraged and directed me at this time.



Matt 7:7-11

7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
NIV

Phil 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
NIV



Rom 12:2-3
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will.

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
NIV



I see life as a journey. I don't have the answers or the map. God does. He is my guide and I need to look to Him and trust Him. When I do this the journey may not be easier, but at least I know that I am following my God and not the lost world.

its been awhile

since i have posted a blog on here so i thought i would go ahead since i have alot on my mind and i cant sleep.
what do i have to talk about.. how about post partum depression (ppd) well i thought in may i reached the bottom, but i didn't. i knew something was wrong, i knew i have a hard time with mothers day so i should have been prepared right? yeah good in theory but hard to do when it comes down to the day. most often day went well, i was depressed in church but it seemed to get worse as the day went on. James told me how much he hated me, i was already feeling horrible from my mothers day blues. anyone who has lost a child know how i felt on mothers day. but by 4pm i had had enough. fast forward 3 months. i was feeling overwhelmed, sad and at the end of my rope. my dr asked me if everything was okay, he said he thought i had ppd ( no really) i had been telling him that since i gave birth but hey i guess i dont know what i am talking about right i mean i am only just a regular person not a doctor. but i defiantly hit rock bottom labor day weekend. I'm dealing with all life's shit better Ive unloaded my plate by a ton i do have some more to do but how unloaded can it get when you run 2 businesses, home school, go to cub scouts,boy scouts, girl scouts, have 5 kids, a dog a cat and a dad with cancer... alright I'm being yelled at for not being in bed it is 4:23 and I'm been up doing nothing on the computer but trying to wear myself out since 11:30.. to many thoughts. especially since i recently got an email from someone from my past and i have alot to say alot i want to know alot i want answers to but i know how i can be emotional so i am not asking them, oh believe me i wrote an entire email, but then i deleted it and wrote back a few words. in time i will get the answers that i want and need. alright kids will be up in about 3 hours so i had better at least get that much sleep.

Sunday I wanted to Die

hello, well some of you know that i lead a pretty busy life. sometimes alot busier than I really want to. well i have been heading down this spiral of depression for sometime now and i finally hit bottom. I want to thank all of my friend who noticed that something was not quiet right with me, even the friends who i dont talk to that much. Most of you know how much i HATE mothers day and why. Im about to be 100% totally honest with you all so if you choose to not like me because i am a human being then thats fine.

Sunday I wanted to die, i mean really die. I knwo its not the anwser and i've seen first hand what it can do but i still wanted to die.

Deprssion hits you and you may not even realize it, you think tomorrow will be better, tomorrow i will be happier, tomorrow i will like how i look, tomorrow i will feel like cleaning the house or putting the laundry away, tomorrow i will like my kids, tomorrow i will actually feel loved ( even if i know i am). every day after that is still tomorrow and it does not get better by itself, it just keeps getting worse. and when you surround yourself with dysfunctional people ( if you think i am talking about you then i probably am) then all you become is dysfunctional to, they bring you down to there level and as i recently heard it stated rot your brain with there complaints.. okay yes as your friend i am supose to listen with an open heart and be there for you when you need me but come .. awhile of the same shit and people not listening to crap you say then why ask me, REALLY.

now everyone knows ive got my own shit on my plate and i really dont have time for yours, i have a few commitments that i can not get out of or really dont want to so i will keep doing them but as for all the other things that can work without me, then off they will go.

so as far as the smile on my face im sure you wont see it for awhile or at least one that is real, so when you ask me how i am and i tell you fine just know i am probably lying, im not fine and i havent been for a long time. thanks to those who have noticed and to the rest that i see or talk to almost every day SCREW YOU...

there you have it im human and have flaws, if you dont like it kiss my ass.

whats going on

well for those who read this, ive been working on my website and have made a few changes. I no longer own Sprinkled With Granola its supper official! but we have moved on with a new venture at www.greenmammas.com a shared journey of several great minds I am making baby slings and such and can not wait to get my first batch finished and listed for sale!!

marsupial mammas (my original site) will be back up soon and i am getting really excited about that, he web masetr is hard at work on it.

let me tell you about green mammas; just about all the products currently listed are made by work at home moms (wahms) so when you make a purchase you are stimulating your local economy.

we are looking into having a booth at the local farmers market but of course we will have have to have a considerable amount of items premade.

Things are going great and as spring starts acting like spring and summer gets nearer they only get better!

I spent the weekend on the astoria/seaside coast of oregon and will post some pictures to when i get the camera out of the car!! not alot of me though since i was doing the picture taking.

ttyl

Spring Snow

well we all know that here in washington we have crazy weather but come on snow in spring!!! i woke up to white this morning and then it started raining, most of it went away but now its back to snowing! the weather around here is literally changing by the minute.

crazy days

Ever wonder what my days are filled with, here you go... went to bed at 2am, sarah got up to eat at about 7 so i fed her she went back to sleep. i thought i would get a few more minutes of sleep before jake and marian woke up. 9am sarah woke up. jake and marian were alrady up watching tv and eating some yummy fruit, unfortunatly that meant smooshing strawberries on the floor AHHH!
Cleaned up that mess had breakfast, got everyone dressed (but me) now its 11am, sarah is tired so down for a nap she went. I folded some laundry but getting it put away is another thing! 12 jake and marian driving me crazy running around like maniacs! 12:30 we start to make lunch, they want raviolies. okay i admit i like them to!
Now here it is 1pm everyone is done eating, ive got to get jake working on some school work. sarah is still sleeping, marian is tired. i might be able to get her to have a nap for an hour or so. jacob is walking in circles talking about some barbie thing he saw on tv that he wants, dang it i hear the toilet flush AGAIN.....
later we will have dinner probably about 5pm. at 6:30 i will be leaving to go to a homeless feed that is as long as this head ache goes away. if not i have a book to finish reading and some knitting to catch up on. I'd really just like to sit and relax tonight so i will probably do that instead. i just looked at my finger nails and realized that i need to get polish remover. maybe tonight i will get in bed by 10, but i doubt it. then tomorrow all of it will start over again.

yep pretty great day huh.

Jacob and mommy




My new short hair! ( 10.5 inches shorter)



Sarah managed to get up the stairs


Sarah eating one of her 1st non milk meals.

sometimes you just have to wonder

what you are supose to be doing with your life. I have almost everything i want and really i do say almost. I have a nice house, 2 running cars an RV great kids and a wonderfull church family. I guess i should be happy with what the lord has provided me but sometimes i have to wonder what does he have in store for me next. I love my kids and I love my job, I love the Lord but sometime i wish i just had someone who felt the same way about all of those things as me. What is it with life that always leaves us wanting more.
Tomorrow is Easter and once again i have no special plans to do anything on such an important day for everyone especially christians.

well enough thinking for now!

To everyone i know

I want to say sorry if i havent been myself, ive had alot gooing on, alot of changes tha i am trying to make for the better, ive been tired and at my whits end way to much lately, i need more sleep and i need to figure out how to better make my kids listen before they are totally out of control. in the last year ive.. started a new playgroup, started new busines ventures,had a baby, started home schooling, been on a trip, moved, been baptised and more.

i just NEED some down time 2 days of doing nothing.

okay new pics

Okay so a few things are differant, winter did a number on the yard so it needs to be brought back to life, the living and dining room are no longer white. I also LOVE my country porch and boy you should see the back deck! I can hardly wait to plant some flowers clean up the flower beds and start a garden maybe i'll start with herbs i hear there easy!!


Back yard


More back yard


My tiny Kitchen


Living Room, check out the floor to ceiling fire place!


Dining Room


Outside

oh great

so i changed my template and somehow think i lost all my blogs! im so irritated.

lets see

its going good in the new house a few things to get use to but like i said so far so good. and maybe one day soon i will have cable! (direct tv comming on monday!!)

oh yeah i got a ton of my hair choped off its now pretty short! last measurment was just iver 10 inces when at first they thought it was only 8 1/2 !!!!! just enough to donate so off it went, now i feel liek getting it cut had a purpose other than i just didnt want it anymore. plus unless i want it even shorter and curly i have to flat iron it every day to make it look better since its curly/wavy.

im moving

im moving packing my stuff this week and moving out!!! i hope to be put of this house by feb 10th and hand the keys over but we will see.

here is a pic of the new place
its a cute house on 2.25 acres, will post inside pic when i get them. phone number will stay the same.

what does it mean to be a friend

what does it mean to me to be a friend? I will accept my friends for there faults. i do not have to like or accept the choices that they make, i can let them know that it is not okay or i can sit by silently while they make mistakes. a friend will help you pick up the pieces no matter what, give you a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear at any time of the day or night. drive hundreds of mile to be with you when you need it the most, even when you do not ask for it or tell you they dont. a friend will come be with you when your loved one passes away, hold your hands as you burry yours. no matter what you do or have done will still love you and trust you and you them.

very few people find friendship like that. Ive been very lucky to have found it in a couple of people. my best friend Bekki my #1 with my faults and hers. we just went over the 10 year! and for those who know to do that in a navy town that is very hard, people move away you loose touch and eventually loose track, someone who once you would have told anything you dont even know what happened to them, that is very sad.

there are others that i keep in close contact with and some i'd really like to be able to get back to that place again but what do you do when someones been hurt, how do you get back what youve lost? you dont i guess you just have to start from scratch again.

My life is but....

My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Ofen times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

When you are doing something God does not want you to do he puts up road blocks or sends you signs that it may not be wise, sometime we understand them right away and sometimes it takes a bit to figure them out. Sometimes by the time you figure them out its to late.

I wish that it did not take so much figuring out for some people.