Sunday I wanted to Die

hello, well some of you know that i lead a pretty busy life. sometimes alot busier than I really want to. well i have been heading down this spiral of depression for sometime now and i finally hit bottom. I want to thank all of my friend who noticed that something was not quiet right with me, even the friends who i dont talk to that much. Most of you know how much i HATE mothers day and why. Im about to be 100% totally honest with you all so if you choose to not like me because i am a human being then thats fine.

Sunday I wanted to die, i mean really die. I knwo its not the anwser and i've seen first hand what it can do but i still wanted to die.

Deprssion hits you and you may not even realize it, you think tomorrow will be better, tomorrow i will be happier, tomorrow i will like how i look, tomorrow i will feel like cleaning the house or putting the laundry away, tomorrow i will like my kids, tomorrow i will actually feel loved ( even if i know i am). every day after that is still tomorrow and it does not get better by itself, it just keeps getting worse. and when you surround yourself with dysfunctional people ( if you think i am talking about you then i probably am) then all you become is dysfunctional to, they bring you down to there level and as i recently heard it stated rot your brain with there complaints.. okay yes as your friend i am supose to listen with an open heart and be there for you when you need me but come .. awhile of the same shit and people not listening to crap you say then why ask me, REALLY.

now everyone knows ive got my own shit on my plate and i really dont have time for yours, i have a few commitments that i can not get out of or really dont want to so i will keep doing them but as for all the other things that can work without me, then off they will go.

so as far as the smile on my face im sure you wont see it for awhile or at least one that is real, so when you ask me how i am and i tell you fine just know i am probably lying, im not fine and i havent been for a long time. thanks to those who have noticed and to the rest that i see or talk to almost every day SCREW YOU...

there you have it im human and have flaws, if you dont like it kiss my ass.