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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

its been awhile

since i have posted a blog on here so i thought i would go ahead since i have alot on my mind and i cant sleep.
what do i have to talk about.. how about post partum depression (ppd) well i thought in may i reached the bottom, but i didn't. i knew something was wrong, i knew i have a hard time with mothers day so i should have been prepared right? yeah good in theory but hard to do when it comes down to the day. most often day went well, i was depressed in church but it seemed to get worse as the day went on. James told me how much he hated me, i was already feeling horrible from my mothers day blues. anyone who has lost a child know how i felt on mothers day. but by 4pm i had had enough. fast forward 3 months. i was feeling overwhelmed, sad and at the end of my rope. my dr asked me if everything was okay, he said he thought i had ppd ( no really) i had been telling him that since i gave birth but hey i guess i dont know what i am talking about right i mean i am only just a regular person not a doctor. but i defiantly hit rock bottom labor day weekend. I'm dealing with all life's shit better Ive unloaded my plate by a ton i do have some more to do but how unloaded can it get when you run 2 businesses, home school, go to cub scouts,boy scouts, girl scouts, have 5 kids, a dog a cat and a dad with cancer... alright I'm being yelled at for not being in bed it is 4:23 and I'm been up doing nothing on the computer but trying to wear myself out since 11:30.. to many thoughts. especially since i recently got an email from someone from my past and i have alot to say alot i want to know alot i want answers to but i know how i can be emotional so i am not asking them, oh believe me i wrote an entire email, but then i deleted it and wrote back a few words. in time i will get the answers that i want and need. alright kids will be up in about 3 hours so i had better at least get that much sleep.