reflection

Ive been doing alot of thinking lately about my life, the ways things have gone or not gone.

There are some things i have done that of course i regret some things that i know i have missed out of, poeple i wish i would have gotten to know better and relationship wounds it would have been nice to heal but its to late. the biggest one for me is the relationship with my father, we have never gotten along. in fact he has called me a looser and a disapointment. if you have read any of my prevoius blogs on blogspot you know how i feel about that so i wont go over it again.

a couple of months ago i made a comment about my dad getting cancer, how one day he would die from it and the family would be better off. of course i didnt mean it, but now that he actually has cancer and has been considering not getting treatment for it, i am mourning the loss of the relationship we should have had.

then there is my kids, matthew and samantha most because i know they are missing out on alot of things, and i wish they would allow me to do more for them. with my dads health i am sure that will soon be changing. and then there are my friendships most of the people who call themselves my friends ar not truely my friends, i would never call them up to complain about my life because thats not what they want to hear from me. yes i have girlfriends but i dont let them in, i keep it to knitting, playgroups and other things that dont get to personal but you can still laugh with them and have a good time. then finally we get to past relationships. i know i have not always mae the right choices and I have those people who will always have a place in my heart, who i could never hate, even though there was a time i was hurt or mad, those people gave me something wonderfull.

Through all of this I have been looking to God for direction, strength, and support. He has proven Himself faithful again and again. Here are some verses that have really encouraged and directed me at this time.



Matt 7:7-11

7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
NIV

Phil 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
NIV



Rom 12:2-3
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will.

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
NIV



I see life as a journey. I don't have the answers or the map. God does. He is my guide and I need to look to Him and trust Him. When I do this the journey may not be easier, but at least I know that I am following my God and not the lost world.